TROLL
Why Obama's Stimulus Money Is Bad for Your Running or How to Deal with
a Sand Troll

Hey, folks. It has been a while since I showed up at this place. Hope
everyone is doing good. I would like to report on today's happenings.

So, my PF has been kept under control with orthotics and I have been
gradually increasing mileage. Finally, I was ready to do a
particularly nice 12-mile loop today. The weather was a bit
sub-freezing, crisp and sunny. I was going at a steady clip for about
6-odd miles. At this point the route goes through a sand quarry that
connects two running paths. When I do my long run on the weekend, it
is usually deserted and I meet no-one there except for a mountain
biker or two. This time the gravel conveyor was operational and the
machinery was running. Alright, I thought, construction has picked up,
stimulus money is creating jobs.

As I was pondering this government counter-cyclical interference in
the free market economy, a fellow appeared about 300 yards out. He
yelled: "Trespassing!" and waved for me to be off. Apparently, this
spell makes people disappear. On the other hand, a loop is a loop and
turning around and running back will make it longer than 12 miles. I
tried a counter-spell. "Sorry!" I yelled back and continued running.

That, however, misfired.  My spell turned this guy into a sand
troll. In no uncertain terms the troll let me know that he is
displeased with the proceedings and wishes to communicate his
displeasure at a closer distance. He started running towards me while
continuing to voice his disagreement. He expressed his desire to make
my life uncomfortable.  I looked back trying to estimate whether this
will be a sprint or a middle-distance event and decided, for starters,
to pick up the pace to about sub-6 minute mile. The troll though
realized the folly of sprinting without proper warmup and gave up the
foot-chase. He did however indicate that the level of his discontent
has reached the point where he would like to continue our conversation
in the immediate future and he is even going to drive to force our
rendezvous.

I considered jumping into nearby bushes but this being a late fall the
leaves were gone, I was not sure how much protection they would
provide against trolls. I decided to continue running. A couple of
quarry dump trucks appeared but apparently they had little interest in
harassing runners and went on their way.

I did not quite make it to the turnoff point when the troll came back
on a pickup truck. He swerved to block my way. I dodged the truck and
continued running in the same direction. At this point, we were a bit
away from the quarry and the troll apparently realized the difference
in our sizes. Thus, were he to attempt to administer direct
chastisement onto me, his own life may potentially become
uncomfortable.

So the troll pulled to my side and we settled for an easy 8-minute
mile pace.  He proceeded to express his opinion on the land property
rights and advised me to turn around. I said again that I am sorry but
I need to run forward rather than back. The troll said that he doubted
the sincerity of my apology.  He shifted the discussion into the
hypothetical and made me aware of his plans to make my future life
uncomfortable. I did not have anything to contribute to that.  This
item of the agenda of our meeting seemed to have been exhausted. There
being no more items, the meeting was adjourned. I told him to have a
nice morning and we parted ways. The rest of my run was uneventful.

The moral of the story is twofold. Obama's stimulus may be bad for
your running. If you meet a sand troll, telling him "I am sorry" may
not be a good idea.